Piano Lessons

Piano lessons are the joy and the curse of my life. I absolutely adore the piano - music is in my blood, and furthermore, I am NOT content to merely be mediocre at the piano. Every time, I try to do piano "just for fun," it just doesn't work, and I end up back at the same realization that the piano and I were not meant for a mere flirtatious fling but rather a serious, committed relationship. And with all serious, committed relationships, sacrifice is required. So, I pour blood, sweat, and tears, at times MANY tears, into the piano. The hours required to practice and drive to lessons (2 hours one way) put a strain on my already bursting schedule. The money required for high class lessons put a strain on my already tight budget. But, try as I might to leave the piano, it will not let me. You see, music is not just a part of me, it IS me. It is entertwined in the very core of my being, so much so that I can't always tell where I stop and music begins. And whenever I try to disengage myself from it, back off, relax, "be more realistic," as so many of my well-meaning friends and family members advise, I cannot bear it and find myself back again fully committed to insane hours of practice and striving after elusive perfection. You see, as much as it sometimes hurts to be so committed to piano, it hurts worse to NOT be. So, I guess I might as well as resign myself to it - Piano and I are together for Better or for Worse....Forever.

These quotes from Great Pianists Speak by Adele Marcus (who was by the way my teacher's teacher at Juillard) express a little of what I am feeling:

"You must have the craziness to go on continuously, whether you are sick, or you aren't sick, or you have a headache or you don't have a headache. You must have this sort of craziness to go on every day. If you don't have it, success is absolutely out of the question. When I say every day, it is not only two or three hours, it is your whole life. You have to dedicate everything; if not, you cannot do it....When they ask me 'What makes an artist?' I find that apart from this urge to express oneself, an absolute dedication and willingness to work like I-don't-know-what for hours without end, to build a repertoire, are the elements which are absolutely imperative. Together with all that is enormous sacrifice."

And yet - with all that sacrifice - it is still completely worth it. As Sergei Rachmanioff said, "Music is enough for a lifetime, but a lifetime is not enough for music."

In fall of 2009 I wrote the following words:

"What is it about piano that captivates me?? Why is it that no matter that I'm sleep deprived and brain dead, I am willing and even eager to come to the piano and endure vigorous mental and physical labor instead of resting or relaxing? Why is it despite the pain and pressure, the fatigue and rigor, I always desire, nay demand - MORE? Crank up the intensity another notch, push myself just that much harder - I can't stop and I can't get enough. Ever."