Awakening

Deep, dark sky warms to soft blue

Gradually, gently paling, and then,

The sun splashes on the horizon

Vibrant colors dancing

to the music of the morning

Higher than Mine, Part 1

It all started in May. Things had finally been going smoothly, when something happened that shook up my comfortable little world and pierced my sensitive soul. While I cannot share the details here, suffice it to say that tears and questions flowed as I sought to process what had happened. I discussed the situation with my parents and as they grieved with me they offered this advice, "Maybe it's time to move on. Maybe God is trying to tell you something. Maybe you should look into relocating." While this may seem a bit drastic of a response (leaving town?!), the truth was moving wouldn't be an out-of-the-blue decision. I never wanted to stay in Albany - actually scratch that - I never wanted to even move there in the first place! I only moved there after college because my family was there. And now that my family had moved, there wasn't much to keep me there. I didn't like the atmosphere, location, or mercantile opportunities, and certainly it wasn't the most artistically stimulating environment either. However, until that point, I hadn't sensed God saying it was time to move on. Now, though, I wasn't sure.

I began praying about relocating and submitting resumes to schools in various places - Brunswick, GA (family and beach), Greenville, SC (sister, grandparents, friends and just generally wonderful place), and Macon, GA (piano teacher and close to Atlanta). I had not yet signed a contract for the next school year, and as the summer stretched before me, I prayed and waited for the Lord's direction. I was fine with either leaving or staying - there were pros and cons to each - I just wanted to know what HE would have me do. Now, I just have to say, waiting isn't exactly my strong point. I like to know exactly what I need to do and what I am going to need to do and make a plan accordingly. However, even though I explained to God that I wasn't very good at waiting, He decided to have me wait anyway.

Well, I waited and waited (and waited and WAITED) as the summer sped by. At the end of the summer, I still hadn't heard anything from any of the places to which I'd applied, so I assumed it must be God's will for me to continue living in Albany. Around the beginning of July, something happened that changed all of that. Now, I have not mentioned this yet, but one large factor in considering moving was my finances. A teacher's salary isn't very large to start with, then add to that the fact I was a teacher at a Christian school and that we had already taken a large pay cut the previous year - basically, I was hardly making anything. Well, that's fine if you can make ends meet, but all of my insurances (car, health, etc.) were going up, student loans were coming due, and quite honestly, the only way I had even making it thus far was because of large tax refunds each year which I had saved and used to live off of. However, I knew the Lord was able to provide, so I assumed if I stayed in Albany, He would stretch my resources, give me a raise, drop money from the sky, or provide in some other way. Anyway, one day I looked at my bank account and realized I was broke! It had happened suddenly due to some unexpected expenses and also a business mistakenly taking some money from my account. Well, when this happened, shock though it was, I felt that it was the Lord showing me that I was going to HAVE to make a change. I realized I was not going to be able to make it even another month living on my own as it was, and since I did not see a raise forthcoming, I made plans to move in with my family.
Now, this was very difficult for me. I felt like I had failed in some way, even though I knew I had been as careful and thrifty as possible. I didn't want to resign my job to say that I was going to move in with my family with no job prospects in sight. It did not fit my human reasoning at all. However, I felt clearly that this was what I was supposed to do, so I went on. I have to say, this was just not at all how I thought God would show me his will - by emptying my bank account. I thought a wonderful new job would open up and it would just be clear that I should move from one job to the other. It sounded so nice and easy and comfortable. But God's thoughts are not our thoughts, and He did things HIS way (Surprise!).
I resigned my job, moved in with my family, and kept beseeching God for a job that would match with my education, experience, and skills. My faith seemed to grow by the day as I fought a moment by moment battle to not worry, to trust, to let go. I thought surely God would provide. But a whole month went by, and still I had nothing. Bills were coming due; I tried not to panic. "Trust, just trust," I reminded myself. Still, nothing came and it was getting to the point where I felt I should go out and look for anything at all - the mall, Longhorn's, Chick-fil-A, the government - just to pay *some* of the bills. I asked God to provide a job for me by the end of the first week of August - if I had not heard anything by then, then on Monday morning I would start looking for just "anything."

It was Friday afternoon, and I was resting on my bed, taking a small break from practicing, when the telephone rang. It was the principal from one of the Christian schools in the area, one of the schools I had applied at and had a mini-interview at. They had been interested but had not had any openings at the time. "When can you be here?" she asked. "Give me an hour," I said, and then flew through the house screaming, "Mom, Mom! That school just called and wants me to come in as soon as I can!" While my mom began praying, I danced through the shower and headed to the school just as fast as I could.


To be continued... (Dun-duh duh-duh)

Keep On

"Do not be weary in well doing: For in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." Galatians 6:9

~ With a heart for any fate, learn to labor and to wait. ~

Answering His Call

"Is that always what music is? Answering the call of God?
Because on this whole spinning planet — this is the only rhythm that makes music: to do the will of the One whose heart beats at the center of the cosmos. Regardless of what anyone thinks of us."

From A Holy Experience by Ann Voskamp

Weird is Better than Boring!!

Soooooo :) I was thinking the other day and I realized that one reason I do not really relish the thought of being an adult is that adults are so...well...um...boring. There, I said it. But before you just label me as judgemental and immature, think about it. You're at the beach...what are the adults doing?? Sitting in their beach chairs (if they made it to the beach at all - some are still sitting in their beach houses). Sometimes they are reading in their beach chairs and sometimes they are just SITTING. Doing nothing. Staring into nothing. Sleeping occasionally. Now, don't get me wrong, when I am at the beach, I like to spend some of my time sitting and sleeping and reading and reflecting. BUT (and that is a big but) I also love to take walks, play ultimate frisbee, bump the volleyball around, play football, play cards, swim in the ocean, scream when I touch the slimy stuff at the bottom, jump the waves, ride on the boogie board, run from spot to spot trying to chase down the biggest waves, take the perfect jump pictures, and, of course, Hannah's and Maddie's and my favorite thing of all...walk on the squeaky sand and make seagull noises.

OK, now, you might say that that's just the beach. But, picture scene 2, the pool. Again, where are the adults? In their chairs just sitting and sitting. If they get hot enough, they might delicately venture into the water and sit there for a while. Now, think about kids..they do somersaults and flips and handstands and play sharks and minnows and chinese freeze tag and Star and Marco Polo and Categories and have jumping contests off the diving boards. Now, age aside, which category do you think I fit into? That's right - the kids, obviously. I like to play games at the pool not sit there like a zombie. Which is why recently, when I went swimming at my apartment complex, I immediately made friends with the kids in the pool. Normally, I don't have to worry because I have my siblings. But at my apartment, I don't, so I had to fix the situation right away. I instroduced myself to the kids in the pool, taught them how to play Star and played with them the rest of the time.

And you know, the list of boring adult behavior goes on and on. What do most adults do in their spare time? Watch TV and maybe read a book. Nothing ENERGETIC!!!! And when adults get together, what do they do?? Sit and talk. No games, no guitar hero, no FUN! And how often do you see adults riding bikes or playing sports?? Pretty much only if their kids beg them to. It's Sad. So, that is why I am never entering that boring adult stage of life. I may be an adult on the outside for situations like work and paying bills and important stuff like that. BUT - get me to the beach, the pool, to my free time, and my Kid Side can No Longer be Suppressed. Too bad if people think I'm weird. Like Hannah says, I might be weird, but you are BORING!! :P

Why I love being a teacher

Summer break. Christmas break. Summer break. Spring Break. Summer break. and need I mention it again?? Summer break!!!! :) Actually, there are lots of other more important reasons as well, but there is no doubt that I adore having the summers off. I look at the start of each summer as the beginning of a time filled with all kinds of possibilities. Fun to be had...goals to be reached....new skills to learn....it fills me with excitement that tingles from my head to my toes and through every fingertip. I always set goals for myself for the summer because even though I want to relax and have fun, I do NOT look at the summer as just a time to kick back. No indeed! It is the time to DO everything I want to do but don't have time for during the year, to experience new things, to Live with more intensity than ever. This summer is no exception. It stretches before me, a magical space waiting to see what I will make of it. My goals are ready, my tired self has found new energy with the arrival of freedom, and now I eagerly embark to create two momentous, memorable, magical months. Summer, here I come!

Ice cream, Chocolate, and Shoes

Stress is a very real phenomenon in many of our lives. Without doubt it is very real and present in mine! According to http://www.essortment.com/stress-relief-tips-15899.html, stress can be both positive and negative. It can be a positive motivator causing people to get things done, but chronic stress can also cause all kinds of problems:
"Stress affects thoughts. Thoughts of low self-esteem, fear of failure, inability to concentrate, worrying about the future, preoccupation with thoughts/tasks and forgetfulness can be present. Stress affects behavior. It can cause stuttering and other speech difficulties, bouts of crying for no apparent reason, laughing in a high pitch or nervous tone of voice, increased accident prone behavior, overeating, under eating and increased use of drugs and alcohol.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 80% of health care is spent on stress related disorders. These ailments include hypertension, migraine, headaches, ulcers, anxiety, allergies, asthma, cancer and cardiovascular disease. Constant, chronic stress can also suppress the immune system thereby making the body more susceptible to disease, even the common cold and flu."

For a while, I thought I would try to figure out a way to live a less stress-filled life. But I've finally realized that I love being busy and having a full plate and that I have so many goals and plans and dreams that I love much more than being stress-free. So I have changed my goal from reducing stress to learning to manage stress. Here are some of my favorite ways to manage stress:

1. Exercise: This is a highly recommended way of dealing with stress and one that I personally find effective. It's hard to drag myself to the gym sometimes, but I almost always feel better when I make myself do it. Zumba is my favorite form of exercise. I dance away some of the tension as I get lost in moving to the music.

2. Eat ice-cream! :) This tip must be done in moderation or weight gain will result and cause further stress; however, there REALLY is something about ice cream and chocolate that can be very comforting, especially if you put on your comfiest stretchy pants and eat the ice cream right out of the container while lounging on the couch watching your favorite TV show.

3. Go shopping! This again must be done carefully; otherwise, you might break your budget and that will not help anything. But even if you don't buy anything (although a new dress and pair of shoes is a great help in any situation), just getting out and walking around and being around fresh sights and sounds can help you feel better.

4. Make a list of everything you have to do. This helps organize your thoughts and sort that confusing muddle of your mind into concrete tasks to accomplish.

5. Take a walk. Being out in the fresh air and sunshine does wonders for stress relief. Plus the act of walking makes you feel like you are leaving your problems far behind and helps clear your head and think through things.

6. Focus on one task at a time. Sometimes, when I have a lot to do, I look at the big picture and everything that has to get done, and I get overwhelmed completely. But a lot of times when I force myself to focus on just one task at a time, things don't end up being nearly as bad and overwhelming as I thought.

7. Talk it out. Guys probably never will understand this, but sometimes the only way to resolve things is to "talk them out." I don't know what it is about talking about things that makes them better, but somehow it just does. Sometimes I think that it's pointless to talk about something because there is nothing anyone can do, but when I finally DO talk about it I end up feeling SO much better! Just getting it off your chest and out in the open somehow takes away some of the pressure. And sometimes people have better ideas and advice than you give them credit for. Pick a trusted friend or family member and confide your troubles. Just be willing to do the same for them if they need a listening ear later on.

8. Pray about it. I almost didn't include this, because it seems so obvious, but it really should be the first thing we do. God has everything in control. If we (if I) could ever just realize that, we would all be so much more peaceful and happy. God can do anything and everything - leave it in HIS hands.

9. Step back and look at the big picture. Sometimes we see all of the little things we have to get done and we freak out. Think about which things really matter to get done and which if left undone will not matter in two years or even two weeks.

10. Take time. Take time to have your quiet time, eat, sleep, exercise, practice good hygeine, dress cutely, etc. Sometimes I think that I really just don't have time for these "extras," But actually they are essentials. Taking the time in the morning to have my quiet time, eat breakfast, and dress nicely for the day affects my entire outlook.

These are my personal favorites. I also looked on the website I mentioned earlier and they suggested these strategies as well: laugh, make time for fun, get rid of negative influences, and accept what you cannot control. I pretty much think what it boils down to though is this: Eat chocolate, consume ice cream, and buy shoes! :)