Higher than Mine, Part 1

It all started in May. Things had finally been going smoothly, when something happened that shook up my comfortable little world and pierced my sensitive soul. While I cannot share the details here, suffice it to say that tears and questions flowed as I sought to process what had happened. I discussed the situation with my parents and as they grieved with me they offered this advice, "Maybe it's time to move on. Maybe God is trying to tell you something. Maybe you should look into relocating." While this may seem a bit drastic of a response (leaving town?!), the truth was moving wouldn't be an out-of-the-blue decision. I never wanted to stay in Albany - actually scratch that - I never wanted to even move there in the first place! I only moved there after college because my family was there. And now that my family had moved, there wasn't much to keep me there. I didn't like the atmosphere, location, or mercantile opportunities, and certainly it wasn't the most artistically stimulating environment either. However, until that point, I hadn't sensed God saying it was time to move on. Now, though, I wasn't sure.

I began praying about relocating and submitting resumes to schools in various places - Brunswick, GA (family and beach), Greenville, SC (sister, grandparents, friends and just generally wonderful place), and Macon, GA (piano teacher and close to Atlanta). I had not yet signed a contract for the next school year, and as the summer stretched before me, I prayed and waited for the Lord's direction. I was fine with either leaving or staying - there were pros and cons to each - I just wanted to know what HE would have me do. Now, I just have to say, waiting isn't exactly my strong point. I like to know exactly what I need to do and what I am going to need to do and make a plan accordingly. However, even though I explained to God that I wasn't very good at waiting, He decided to have me wait anyway.

Well, I waited and waited (and waited and WAITED) as the summer sped by. At the end of the summer, I still hadn't heard anything from any of the places to which I'd applied, so I assumed it must be God's will for me to continue living in Albany. Around the beginning of July, something happened that changed all of that. Now, I have not mentioned this yet, but one large factor in considering moving was my finances. A teacher's salary isn't very large to start with, then add to that the fact I was a teacher at a Christian school and that we had already taken a large pay cut the previous year - basically, I was hardly making anything. Well, that's fine if you can make ends meet, but all of my insurances (car, health, etc.) were going up, student loans were coming due, and quite honestly, the only way I had even making it thus far was because of large tax refunds each year which I had saved and used to live off of. However, I knew the Lord was able to provide, so I assumed if I stayed in Albany, He would stretch my resources, give me a raise, drop money from the sky, or provide in some other way. Anyway, one day I looked at my bank account and realized I was broke! It had happened suddenly due to some unexpected expenses and also a business mistakenly taking some money from my account. Well, when this happened, shock though it was, I felt that it was the Lord showing me that I was going to HAVE to make a change. I realized I was not going to be able to make it even another month living on my own as it was, and since I did not see a raise forthcoming, I made plans to move in with my family.
Now, this was very difficult for me. I felt like I had failed in some way, even though I knew I had been as careful and thrifty as possible. I didn't want to resign my job to say that I was going to move in with my family with no job prospects in sight. It did not fit my human reasoning at all. However, I felt clearly that this was what I was supposed to do, so I went on. I have to say, this was just not at all how I thought God would show me his will - by emptying my bank account. I thought a wonderful new job would open up and it would just be clear that I should move from one job to the other. It sounded so nice and easy and comfortable. But God's thoughts are not our thoughts, and He did things HIS way (Surprise!).
I resigned my job, moved in with my family, and kept beseeching God for a job that would match with my education, experience, and skills. My faith seemed to grow by the day as I fought a moment by moment battle to not worry, to trust, to let go. I thought surely God would provide. But a whole month went by, and still I had nothing. Bills were coming due; I tried not to panic. "Trust, just trust," I reminded myself. Still, nothing came and it was getting to the point where I felt I should go out and look for anything at all - the mall, Longhorn's, Chick-fil-A, the government - just to pay *some* of the bills. I asked God to provide a job for me by the end of the first week of August - if I had not heard anything by then, then on Monday morning I would start looking for just "anything."

It was Friday afternoon, and I was resting on my bed, taking a small break from practicing, when the telephone rang. It was the principal from one of the Christian schools in the area, one of the schools I had applied at and had a mini-interview at. They had been interested but had not had any openings at the time. "When can you be here?" she asked. "Give me an hour," I said, and then flew through the house screaming, "Mom, Mom! That school just called and wants me to come in as soon as I can!" While my mom began praying, I danced through the shower and headed to the school just as fast as I could.


To be continued... (Dun-duh duh-duh)